We’ve all seen those posts from people on Facebook. Or maybe we are the people making these posts.
“I’m so in love with my baby! I love everything about being a mom!”
“I can’t wait to get home so I can spend some time with my favorite little girl!”
“I never knew motherhood would be so amazing!”
“I wish my baby would wake up so I could play with them!”
Am I the only one who sees these posts and thinks “Do people really feel this way?”
I love my children. I do not regret making the decision to have them.
But never once have I wished that they wake up from their nap so I could have some play time. Frankly, after 6-7 hours of solid play time where I hardly have an opportunity to drink some water, I’m ready for some time alone. Some time to relax, take a breath, and maybe even go to the bathroom by myself.
And while no one wants to see social media posts that are always negative, I certainly wish people could see both sides of motherhood and not feel like they are an awful person for not feeling the way others apparently do.
Here are the Facebook posts I sometimes wish I could make:
“I love this baby, but I am so sleep-deprived and physically exhausted, that there are times I wish I had my childless life back.”
“No one ever told me that having children would drain all of the physical and emotional energy from me, so much so that I don’t even want to give my husband a kiss goodnight.”
“I’m glad I got to go to work today and I’m dreading going home, because that means I will have to cook dinner with a screaming toddler (who just wants me to hold them) and a screaming preschooler (who just wants some goldfish and someone to play with him) in a kitchen that still has dishes from last night on the counter and breakfast food on the table.”
I think this side of motherhood is something that people hide. The side that isn’t pretty on Facebook. The side that doesn’t make all your single friends jealous. The side that might even make some parents judge you. But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t there.
When I was a new mom, seeing those upbeat posts from friends made me feel like a failure. I had a very demanding baby which meant that I was exhausted, lonely, and didn’t know what to do almost all the time. Perhaps I was dealing with some postpartum depression, but mostly I was a new mom.
And that is the part of motherhood that hit me like a ton of bricks. I was expecting the gushy parts of motherhood, but none of the awful parts. Perhaps I was too romantic in my views of motherhood, or perhaps I just hadn’t been around enough new moms to see the other side. I had no idea it would be SO STINKING HARD.
But motherhood is hard and there are a lot of expectations for moms, working outside or inside the home alike. Who doesn’t want to be the amazing mom doing all sorts of fun activities and crafts with their kids? Who doesn’t want to have a great day with their kids where the stars all align and everyone is happy and satisfied and you love your life?
I love my children so much that it hurts. And the amazing days are truly amazing.
But those days are not every day. Luckily, I have a loving spouse and a wonderful family. And now I even have some great mommy friends who can tell me that it’s not just me. Those people all help me out when I need to vent, get out of the house, or not do the daycare pick-up when I’m about to lose it. But I don’t talk with all the people in my life about how I sometimes feel about motherhood. And I think we all need to be honest and talk, REALLY TALK, about the tough parts. I know it would have definitely helped me out when I was a new mom, and maybe it will help other people as well.
4 thoughts on “The Truth Hurts”
It’s not just you! I, too LOVE my kids and I love being a mother, but that doesn’t mean I love every second of it. There are so many times when it’s overwhelming or even downright miserable, but it’s so hard to talk about it with people who gush, “aren’t you just so happy?” And when you’re a slightly older mom who planned and then really tried to have kids, there’s also some self-guilt, “but, I wanted this so badly…” I completely agree that the amazing days are truly amazing, even the amazing minutes are amazing, but that’s not all the time, and there are times when it’s truly HARD. And I, for one and am glad that someone like Leslie is finally saying it out loud! 🙂
Yes! I love this so much! It makes me feel SO much better knowing I’m not the only one who’s daily routine does not include incessant rainbows and butterflies.
But I love every second of this! Especially the cleaning poop from underwear in a filthy public bathroom because my child decided not to use a toilet and didn’t want a diaper. And the stripping bedding in the morning because my other child drank so much tea and sleeps so hard that he peed his bed. And especially hauling two kids through the store, one in a giant car shopping cart, the other (shorter) one walking while crying because she was kicked out of the car for hitting her brother. But we still had to get the groceries and move on. LOVE IT!!!
Seriously – the only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that God gave these kids to me and He will provide me with patience…if I can just remember to ask for it! But like anything worth doing, it’s deceptively difficult!
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