1. The toughest part of pregnancy is the first trimester.
(Unless you already have a kid. Then most of pregnancy is tough. Plus that whole labor part isn’t exactly a walk in the park.)
2. Newborn babies are only fussy until 6 weeks old, then they calm down and start to self soothe.
(Or they are fussy for a year or two. That’s basically 6 weeks, right?)
3. Don’t worry, your child will sleep through the night soon.
(Or when they are five years old. But who’s keeping track?)
4. If you introduce a bottle to your breastfed infant early, they won’t reject it later.
(Sure, that could happen. Or they could still reject it. Because, ya know, they are people with opinions of their own.)
5. I already have a dog and/or cat, how much harder could a baby be?
(Much, much harder.)
6. I’m never going to let my child have/do/use ____________. It’s really important they learn to ____________.
(You will. And you will be appalled at how easily you gave up. But there are only so many battles a parent can handle at one time.)
7. If your child helps you prepare the food, they will eat it.
(Or they will just continue to play with those vegetables at the dinner table and only eat the noodles.)
8. If you make them hold your hand to cross the street at a young age and enforce that rule, they will never run out in the street on their own.
(Until that fun dog runs across the street. Then all rules go out the window.)
9. Your good-natured child was a result of your amazing parenting.
(But more likely, you got lucky. Thank your lucky stars every time you see some other kid freaking out in public.)
10. If you introduce a variety of foods and eat them in front of your child, they will also eat them.
(This is totally true, if your kid wanting mac n cheese for every meal counts as a “variety of foods.”)
11. Parenting is hard, but one of the best things that can happen in your life.
(This one isn’t actually a lie. Having kids is great. But there are some days we have a hard time believing it!)